Thursday, May 14, 2009

Permissible Sexcapades

It would seem there is some question as to what exactly constitutes fidelity in an established, exclusive relationship. And so, the FIRST of I am sure MANY rants of things that should be a ‘given’. The topic for today: what constitutes cheating?

Now, I would have thought “faithful” was a universal term, but apparently we did not all subscribe to the same Webster’s. So…. I have decided to engage in temporary contract journalism for future purposes should it be needed, please help! I don’t want to leave any gray areas or room for doubt.

Some examples:
Jerking off on a picture of Pamela Anderson? Not cheating.
Jerking off on Pamela Anderson? Cheating.

Hanging upside-down and swinging from the ceiling fan, squawking like a chicken with a turnip up your ass? Not cheating.
Hanging upside-down and swinging from the ceiling fan, squawking like a turnip with a chicken up your ass? Cheating. (Thanks B, that one was FABULOUS! Even though I have it on fairly good authority that turnips are the less vocal of the vegetable group.)

Having sex with apple pie? Not cheating.
Getting caught? Still not cheating, but awfully emabarassing.

Chime in at will!


  1. Eating off of a person that is hotter than your partner? Cheating

  2. Why is it cheating with the chicken involved?

  3. Non-battery operated animate objects - still considering once animate objects - and any contact with orifices (outside of consumption for nutritional purposes - I could so twist that in my favor) or appendages.... cheating.

    Must find better wording.